Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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