we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
