I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
