Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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