ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
