I'm jealous of your bromance
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are we still banned from the library?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
