Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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