I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
