shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
