Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
