Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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