went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
