Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
