i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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