Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
