i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
