How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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