yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
