There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
