I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
