i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
