if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
