i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I currently don't understand fingers.
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