wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
