Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
