"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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