She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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