i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
