bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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