How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
