oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
