Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
