Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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