its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
