just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
