I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
