69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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