Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
