I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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