they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
