Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
