Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we should paint friendship bongs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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