I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
