you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
