We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
