I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
