yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So squirting runs in the family.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
