it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in