please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring