Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking

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  (732): so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking http://tfl.nu/oxvr
  Replies (5) Good night (893) Bad night (2006)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?

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  (239): Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song? http://tfl.nu/r0ur
  Replies (5) Good night (3046) Bad night (779)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

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  (905): We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth. http://tfl.nu/mgri
  Replies (5) Good night (6999) Bad night (773)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

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  (202): For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well. http://tfl.nu/xnfi
  Replies (46) Good night (4465) Bad night (1961)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.

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  (978): my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck. http://tfl.nu/9a64
  Replies (17) Good night (816) Bad night (3896)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (23) Good night (7523) Bad night (822)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.

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  (856): smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/69tk
  Replies (34) Good night (7553) Bad night (940)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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  (801): Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/ouiw
  Replies (14) Good night (1193) Bad night (5621)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.

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  (418): Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class. http://tfl.nu/hm5u
  Replies (5) Good night (1324) Bad night (3833)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?

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  (251): why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us? http://tfl.nu/6pdz
  Replies (3) Good night (1785) Bad night (607)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

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  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1361) Bad night (636)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.

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  (315): I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse. http://tfl.nu/rzpq
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (324)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.

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  (908): This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing. http://tfl.nu/q3t5
  Replies (2) Good night (715) Bad night (337)
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  (315): View more from New York

  you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain

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  (315): you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain http://tfl.nu/5jnk
  Replies (1) Good night (564) Bad night (346)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious

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  (609): He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious http://tfl.nu/2pn0
  Replies (1) Good night (773) Bad night (198)

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