they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
