Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.