operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before