Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.