The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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