He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
