summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
