I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
