so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am naked and annoyed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
