I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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