So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
