I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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