I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
