toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How does it feel to date your dad?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
