Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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