Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
