i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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