in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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