she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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