90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this will be a night to untag.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
