Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize