I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
